Dating

The pressure to be in a relationship

For the majority of my 20s, I have been dating. I have never really held down a relationship though. Is it my fault? I don’t know. But I do know that I love being single. Lately, though, I have been feeling the pressure to be in a relationship.

To be honest, this is a pressure I’ve been feeling since about 2015. I go out with a guy for a while, and then I decide that he isn’t right for me. There is usually a multitude of reasons – for example, he is rude, he doesn’t show respect, he expects things from me by the 2nd date.  When people ask me: “why did you break up?”, I would explain, and then people would start making excuses for the guy. Like it was my fault for being too picky.

 

The pressure to be in a relationship

Turning my back on toxic relationships.

People are more concerned about me not being in a relationship than I am!

I’ve been pressured to be in a relationship since I was 18 (not by my parents, but by other people I know). There’s almost a ‘what’s wrong with you?’ stigma attached to you if you aren’t in a relationship. I’ve certainly felt that over the years.

As young girls, we are told stories of being rescued by Prince Charming – handsome, tall, and strong. Because women are too weak to rescue themselves, of course. But when you do meet your Prince Charming, he might not be that tall, dark, handsome bloke. And that is where some confusion kicks in. How do you know if the guy you’re going out with is your Prince Charming? I mean, the guy I’m dating at the moment is not tall and is marginally handsome (makes me feel like a bish for saying that)…so I guess that means he’s not Prince Charming. FYI: dating does not mean I’m in a relationship – I am just casually seeing someone.

The pressure to be in a relationship

I feel like there is such a huge expectation for men. There is huge pressure to be tall, handsome, strong, and to ‘man up’. The phrase ‘man up’ really annoys me, because it tells men that if they show emotion, they are not man enough. Or that if they do anything that is ‘not manly’, there is something wrong.

These poor men are expected to be just like the fairy tales portray men – rescuing damsels in distress and showing strength. They must not shake in the face of adversity. You know, to be honest, I like a man who can show his emotions. I like a man who can show his emotions, I think that that is a strength in itself.

Despite the fact that women’s rights have got further ahead, there are still so many misconceptions and beliefs that we need to conquer. The idea that you are stronger if you are in a partnership, is one of those. Also, the one where you need a man to protect you.

I still get the dreaded question at every Christmas, Birthday or Easter

“do you have a boyfriend yet?”

Followed by:

“all the good men have gone, you’ve left it too late. Just go out with someone. You could grow to love them”.

It irritates me because that’s saying that I just need to go out with the next one who comes along. I have a lot more self-respect than that!

I’ve also been mortified when someone fairly close to me told me I need to hurry up before my eggs dry up. 

via GIPHY

 

I think it is really important to be with someone you get on well with, someone who has similar morals and also someone who treats you with the respect you deserve. There have been men I’ve dated who have not treated me well, and expect me to drop my pants by the second date. There have been men who have touched me in an inappropriate manner and then would get upset when I said ‘no’, or ‘stop it’.

The pressure to be in a relationship

I would love to be in a relationship. I would love to share my life with someone – I think it is so special when you can find someone who you can do that with! There are so many things in my life, that I feel would be made better by being in a relationship.

Being single has been a life choice for me, and it is something I have really enjoyed. I have travelled the world and moved overseas by myself, and I feel that knowing that you can do things on your own is so important.

The pressure to be in a relationship

What are your thoughts? Did you, or do you still, feel pressure to be in a relationship?

 

Outfit of this post (sorry guys, I couldn’t help adding these photos in!):

Dress: True vintage – 1940s.

Shoes: Steve Madden.

Dog: My own.

 

21 Comments

  1. Nancy

    28/04/2018 at 3:02 AM

    It’s not your fault that you didn’t hold down on a relationship. If things don’t work out or you’re not compatible with the other person, there’s no point in continuing. It’s kind of funny how other people are usually more concern about *you* about certain things! Meanwhile, we’re chill about how things are. Keep on doing what you want to do :).

    exquisitely.me

    1. kattie

      28/04/2018 at 7:05 AM

      That’s what I always feel! What’s the point of continuing something if you know it won’t work? It always makes me laugh when people are so concerned about my life and the choices I make 😀 Thank you!

  2. Reni E.

    28/04/2018 at 6:16 AM

    It made mea sad to read your post!!! Because you are absolutely right with your opinions and still you have doubts. Listen to your belly. Only if you feel absolutely comfortable with someone, he´s right for you. And don´t let others make you feel preassured! Take all the time you need and want.
    Big hug to you
    Reni

    1. kattie

      28/04/2018 at 7:06 AM

      Awww, I’m sorry I made you sad! I always feel like, what if I let him go and then I don’t meet another guy? It’s silly, I know. The man I’m dating at the moment is really nice, and we get on really well, but I don’t know if I’m attracted to him. It’s tricky! Thank you so much for your lovely comment 🙂 Hugs to you too x

  3. Utibeno

    28/04/2018 at 10:51 AM

    I totally get you. I get asked “do you have a boyfriend?” When I say no, “why don’t you have a boyfriend? what are you waiting for? You are not getting any younger, you know, you should be in your husband’s house by now, nursing your first child,” they would yell. It’s so craze. But Yuu shouldn’t feel bad for wanting to be single for a while it being picky or just all round taking it step by step, that’s life, and ur should be lived carefully.

    1. kattie

      28/04/2018 at 11:12 PM

      Exactly!! This is so true. It is important to be careful who you choose to spend, potentially, the rest of your life with.

  4. Kasie

    28/04/2018 at 10:26 PM

    This kind of pressure irritates me to no end. As if you NEED to be in a relationship to have a full life! To be honest, I spent the majority of my 20s in a relationship and wish I hadn’t because I would have gotten to know myself a lot better at a lot younger of an age. I think being single can be a huge blessing in that it gives you time to focus on what you truly want out of life without somebody else’s expectations attached. You’ll meet the right person when it’s time for you to meet that right person and not a second before. In the meantime, just watch that “How very dare you” gif every time some nosy individual comments on your relationship status!

    1. kattie

      28/04/2018 at 11:16 PM

      I’m so glad to have some like minded people on here! I have spent so much time dating over the last 7 years (I’m only 27), but so many people are so concerned about me not being in a relationship. I just want to make sure that I meet someone who matches me! There are so many experiences I’ve been able to have as a single girl. Thank you so much for your lovely comment. I’ll definitely be thinking of the “How very dare you” gif when people are nosy – better yet, I’ll print it out and give it to them when the questions start 😀

  5. Sophie

    29/04/2018 at 10:48 PM

    YES!! This is so relatable for me. I haven’t been in a proper relationship for a few years now and I get questions like this all the time! Not from my friends, a lot of them are in the same situation, but family is a totally different story. The worst part is, I quite like being single, but that never seems like a good enough response for some of them. And there’s nothing wrong with having standards for yourself x

    Sophie
    http://www.glowsteady.co.uk

    1. kattie

      30/04/2018 at 7:41 AM

      I am so glad I’m not the only one feeling like this. I also like being single. Maybe I’m too good at being single 😀
      I agree standards are important! So many people don’t understand why I have standards and tell me I need to lower them. No thanks! 😀
      Thanks for your lovely comment 🙂

  6. Jenny

    07/05/2018 at 10:24 AM

    Isn’t it funny how other people are more concerned about what you’re doing in your life than you are? I think this kind of pressure can be for a number of things. Getting in a relationship for sure but as soon as you’re in a long-term one, then the questions of marriage and kids start. Which is what my boyfriend and I have started to get and it’s SO annoying, it makes me uncomfortable and I don’t know why it’s anyone else’s business!

    1. kattie

      08/05/2018 at 7:26 AM

      It is funny! I always think that people must be really bored in order to start questioning me about my life. I can totally understand what you’re going through. It is nobody’s business! My Opa made a bad habit of telling my sister and me that our eggs will dry up if we don’t hurry up and have kids…so inappropriate.

  7. Claire

    07/05/2018 at 2:30 PM

    I find this relatable and I am now in my 30’s! People always seem to question why – or express concern – when you’re single. It’s not a bad thing and the lot of the time it can be a choice. And your right, there’s huge expectations on both sides, men being told they need to be handsome, charming, strong etc. I hate the phase ‘man up’ too, it is truly damaging x x x

    1. kattie

      08/05/2018 at 7:22 AM

      Ugh, it is so frustrating. You find the right person when you…find them. 😀
      I’m glad I’m not alone in hating that phrase!

  8. Sarah

    07/05/2018 at 6:29 PM

    You don’t have to be in a relationship to be happy xx

  9. Charlene McElhinney

    07/05/2018 at 10:54 PM

    It sucks that people seem to think that being in a relationship is the be all and end all – it really ain’t. And you’re so right, that judgy question, do you have a boyfriend YET is so unnecessary! People don’t always want to be in relationships. People often want to enjoy themselves, find themselves and just see what happens first. Good on you for speaking out about this!! X

    1. kattie

      08/05/2018 at 7:19 AM

      It is so unnecessary. It’s like people think that in order to be successful you need to be in a relationship. Thank you so much 🙂

  10. Girl In Gamba

    11/05/2018 at 6:02 PM

    I don’t think I’ve ever been pressured into a relationship, but I definitely have felt pressure to be in a relationship or at least date. I’ve found that everyone feels like this sometimes, but we only have one life and if a relationship isn’t something you want right now, that’s okay too.

    GG | http://www.girlingamba.com

  11. Lisa McLachlan

    13/05/2018 at 5:01 PM

    I used to get a lot of “you need to settle down” because I would flit from one relationship to another. But then I met my (now) husband when I was 23 and we’ve been together ever since. So I think you just know when the right person comes along. There’s no sense in settling down with second best, I think you’re doing exactly what’s right for you – it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks – and that eggs comment was just unbelievable! x

    Lisa | http://www.lisasnotebook.com

    1. kattie

      14/05/2018 at 6:03 AM

      Yeah, I definitely think that you know when the right person is there! I don’t want to settle 🙂 I was so mortified when he said about the eggs. My sister just had a baby, so she definitely didn’t leave it too late! Thanks so much for your comment!

Leave a Reply