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why are we scared of showing who we really are?

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So, I’m taking a break from Christmas cheer and blogmas, but doing a ‘real life’ post. I have noticed over the last few weeks that people are talking about the pressure to be perfect. The pressure to be someone they are not. Why are we scared of showing who we really are?

It’s easy to fall into the trap of not feeling good enough, I know that I have. It’s a nasty trap, and it quite often feels like there is no way out. Despite that, you must persevere and try to move on from that. It is easier said than done though.

In this day and age of social media and constant communication, it is so easy to compare yourselves to other people and to feel that FOMO. Sometimes on Instagram I see the most stunning feeds, I compare them to mine and I feel like mine is really boring. This makes me feel like I HAVE to go out and then I spend my time just taking photos, rather than actually enjoying myself.

Going back to the topic at hand: 

Why are we scared to show who we really are?

I think a lot of it does have to do with that idea of perfect – from a young age we are taught that in order to do well we must come first, or top, in everything. However, that’s not what really happens in the real world. It’s good to lose or to come last sometimes, it teaches you coping skills. As a teacher, I often see children who can’t cope with coming last or not being right at the to. And I think that is really scary. What are we teaching our children? That they are only doing well if they are the best in everything?

why are we scared of showing who we really are?

As people, we dedicate so much energy and time and effort into creating a persona that other people will like. And you know what? Not everyone will like you. In creating this persona, we are not only losing who we really are we are also exhausting ourselves with putting an act.

why are we scared of showing who we really are?

With Instagram, I have been working really hard at creating a new look

This is a look where I am more relaxed, more me, doing the silly poses I love to do and catching those candid moments. I feel like those moments where I am not forcing the socially accepted look, is the best one for me. It makes me feel more confident and free. And I think that by this stage in my late 20s, I should not be so concerned with what other people actually think of me.

As I tell my students, ‘don’t worry about what other people are doing, worry about yourself’. So much of this confidence comes from liking yourself, and this is a journey everyone needs to go on. Telling yourself little positive affirmations while you look in the mirror goes a long way. Think about all those things you like about yourself, make a list, and tell them to yourself every day.

A quote I really love is

Strive for continuous improvement, instead of perfection. – Kim Collins


why are we scared of showing who we really are?

Realise those things you LOVE about yourself, and think ‘stuff these norms, I’m going to be me!’.


Why do you think we are scared to show who we really are?


Have a read of some of my other ‘thoughtful’ posts:

Why you shouldn’t wish your life away.

My thoughts on outgrowing friendships.



  1. Tracy

    16/12/2018 at 10:44 PM

    I’m almost 40, and still only just trying to find out who “i” am. There’s a part of me that likes that “perfect” look. There are days I’m envious – not because it “looks” good – but because some of those places look so nice and relaxing!! lol. I definitely think there is a balance somewhere online, between putting your “best foot forward”, and just being yourself. Finding that fine balance where you are showing the best version of the actual version of yourself, vs, trying to create a whole new persona that is perfect. And yea – kids these days just have no idea. My son worked really hard a few years ago at athletics. All season he was frustrated, and the very last day he said to me in the car “Mum, I’m going to give it my all tonight”. It’s all I’d wanted from the beginning for him – to just feel confident to do his best and focus on what he was doing. He didn’t have to win, I just wanted him to actually give it his best so he could feel proud of himself. Then, he did it! He came second I think, and he was SO PROUD of himself. …. The very next race they did, they decided to “stagger”. It was the first time they did it. And because, for the first time, he’d really put effort in, he’d done well. And then they punished him for it by putting him at the back, and the slower kids at the front. Why? So the kids that always lost, would know what it was like to actually win. I couldn’t believe it. I’m not particularly confrontational, but I gave them an earful. I can’t believe this world that we’ve created that “everyone’s a winner”. It’s just not true – we need to be winners in our own zone of genius. Mine isn’t running. I don’t care if i lose, because I know it’s not for me. My zone of genius is somewhere else. These kids need to not get a false hope of what they’re good at. And I guess we can learn from it too – when we accept what we aren’t good at, we can spend more time focusing on what we ARE good at.

    Great post, thankyou!

    1. kattie

      18/12/2018 at 8:01 AM

      Yes, there is still a part of me that like those perfect looks. It is hard not to! I think everyone will strive to be perfect at some point! I really don’t understand why they would stagger a race like that. There really has been that ‘everyone is a winner’ mindset created, and it isn’t going to help anyone! Those who could have won, don’t, which isn’t fair on them! I heard some schools have got rid of prize-giving, because it isn’t fair on those who don’t win anything. I think that is ridiculous. Children’s achievements need to be recognised, and it is positive encouragement for kids. On the other hand, there are always so many certificates given out – for participation, a ‘you turned up so you get a certificate’ kind of certificate. I completely agree with you, we need to work on what we are good at, and not worry about those things that we aren’t so good at. I think there is so much pressure on children to be ‘the best’, that they lose sight of what they enjoy and love. Thank you for your very thoughtful comment!

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